A non-Phd request

Here’s the thing. Politics is all over social media, and there are a lot of people who just wish it would all go away. But, if you ever thought “how could they do that?” when reading about the Holocaust, well take a look at where we are today, right now, right here.
In fact, do me a favour, DO NOT LIKE THIS POST. Clicking like or writing some “you go girl”, “isn’t this awful” message on social media is not going to change a single thing. If you think, unlike our sad excuse for a government, that people should be treated with dignity and respect and you, like me, are terrified as to the events unfolding around us, then I ask of you this:
1. Subscribe to a newspaper or some form of journalism. Understanding what is happening in our world, despite the barrage of noise around us, has never been more important. (I’m not here to tell you which one, but if you think the Herald Sun meets this criteria then maybe this post isn’t for you.)
2. Call or write your political representatives and remind them, in the most forceful tones, that locking people up, refusing refugees a safe haven, calling people ‘illegals’ IS NOT ACCEPTABLE. Our spineless PM, Treasurer and Foreign Minister today became the first world leaders to publicly support (or at least not disavow) America’s #muslimban because we are the gold standard in racist, inhuman immigration policy. Our representatives must know that we won’t tolerate the rise of populist politics.
3. Make yourself visible. The days of slacktervism need to be over. March, protest, speak up. When those around you are quiet, fill the room with your disapproval.
4. Support those who are fighting for you. Whether it be the ACLU (who would have thought that we would love the lawyers so much) the ASRC or another group that fights the good fight, stop buying the odd coffee and GIVE THEM SOME MONEY OR TIME.
5. Use your consumer power. Boycott those who support the extreme right and support those making the world a better place. Do your research, follow the money. Know that your money makes a difference.
Be on the right side of history.

*head desk*

My inability to formulate a comprehensive research question is clearly indicative of my capacity to complete this PhD. Here’s my current thinking. Note, there is no one question.

The reluctant leaders: Constructing leadership identity in the Australian arts and cultural sector

My topic: The construction of leadership identity in the Australian arts and cultural sector.

My research problem:   As the arts and cultural sector has become a more visible contributor to the Australian economy there has been a renewed discussion about the importance of leadership within it.  While the organisational approaches to, and the relative effectiveness of, arts and cultural leadership have been debated both theoretically and within the media, we know little about how arts and cultural leaders construct their identity. Arts management approaches to leadership are built on functionalist assumptions of a positive relationship between individuals and leadership, but evidence suggests that this is not always the case.  Emerging leaders within the arts and cultural sector often have a complex, sometimes reluctant, relationship with their own leader identity and the concept of leadership.

My purpose: This research uses critical approaches to identity construction to examine nine disciplinary based communities of practice located within the Australian arts and cultural sector, analysing emerging leader identity development, identifying influences that contribute to identity work, exploring the issue of leadership reluctance and identifying the strategies that have emerged from within the communities that mitigate it.

My research questions:

  • What factors contribute to identity work of arts and cultural emerging leaders?
  • Are arts and cultural practitioners “reluctant leaders”, and if so why?
  • How do communities of practice contribute to positive construction of leadership identity?

Creative Labour and nearing the end (not that end, just 2016)

Today is likely to be the last (official) working day of 2016.  I’d like to say I’m in good shape for an early 2017 submission, but I suspect we’re talking the March/April range if I’m completely honest.  If things can be done and dusted by mid-year then I will be pretty happy.

It’s strange to think I’ve been doing nothing but working on this one piece of writing for a full 12-months.  I finished my transcription on January 2nd 2016 and here I am on December 22nd and it’s still a word salad of ideas.  80,000 coherent words doesn’t sounds like a lot, but damn it takes it out of you.

Today I need to write the last 1000 words or so of my ‘setting the scene’ or climate section.  This is a new addition that has taken me a lot longer than it should (as in a week), but yesterday I just fell into the zone and did 4,000 in a day (which I can honestly say has never, ever happened before.)  Today however….it’s 3:19pm and I haven’t started. To be fair I was at a funeral this morning.

Intellectually  I’m being spurred on by Angela McRobbie’s book Be Creative: Making a Living in the New Culture Industries. I feel like this might be the missing piece of my larger puzzle.  McRobbie argues that the rise of the creative industries can be linked to the reduction of social democratic policies and focus on neo-liberalism of governments like the New Labour Blair government.  By encouraging the growth of creative labour, fuelled by increases in arts school intakes, the emergence of rave culture, technology change and globalisation governments essentially facilitated the destruction of collective approaches to labour (that is unions) by encouraging everyone individual to be creative AND entrepreneurial  and “follow their passion.” Studies have shown that managerial techniques aimed to increase worker satisfaction and engagement within organisations are used to decrease union membership, and what we are seeing in the flexible, gig or precariat economy is a similar thing.  Individual’s are encouraged to chase their creative dreams, start their own businesses, which leaves them not only 100% accountable for their own success or failure but removes any working welfare support they may have had.

While I’m not finished the book yet, it has made me very conscious of the the role that I have personally played in the similar structures emerging here in Australia.  Education providers are the starting point as they are encouraging entrepreneurship and the reality of the portfolio careers but teaching ‘creative skills’ without critiquing the system itself. I often despaired at the lack of politics in the art school I taught at, but didn’t really consider my own role in contributing to a system I increasingly don’t believe in.

Thesis wise it’s not only given me some good positioning data about the reality of creative work, but has provided some guts to my ideas about what communities of practice do for creative practitioners.  I have been arguing that communities of practice are not only sites of learning and identity formation for emerging leaders but that they provide psychosocial support and create a sense of career optimism.  Which they do, but it’s a bit theoretically light.  But taking MMcRobbie’s arguments I can see that communities of practice are also providing a barrier against the increasing neoliberal state of creative work.  They are, on a micro scale, a type of emotional welfare net.  So in effect they play two roles:

  1. For those in organisational settings they can be a buffer against identity regulation
  2. For those in the flexible gig economy they provide a type of support that is missing when there’s no collective body (like a union).

In both cases the coming together of like minded individuals to achieve a collective aim offers an antidote to the neoliberal ideas of individualism.

Yes I know this is a political stance, but I feel more energised when writing with a bit of politics behind me.  This is one of the problems I have with my thesis, I feel it lacks my voice.  I’m hoping that in this next re-write I can bring some passion to the project (even if readers don’t agree with me.)

Anyhow, off to write and I hope any readers have a good holiday season and a safe, productive new year.  Here’s to a successful, happy 2017 filled with Phd submissions and resulting graduations!

Pushing on

It’s two weeks before Christmas and I’m struggling to get my PhD mindset in the place it needs to be. In November I finally limped over the line for my first draft.  I can’t really describe what a terrible place I was in mentally and physically at that stage.  I knew that the PhD was going to take it’s toll, and I’d been very fortunate to make it through 3 years with minimal pain.  But the last few months have been a different story.

It’s not just the mental, and physical, challenge that undertaking this exercise has brought, but also the emotional and psychological toll on me and my surroundings.  Combined with this, 2016 has just been such an incredibly sad  year, culturally, politically, socially.  Speaking to a few friends, we all agreed it was hard to bring yourself out of the well of despair.

For me, immersed in this solo activity that makes you doubt yourself every day, I lost all perspective as to why I was unhappy.  Was it the PhD? Was it my marriage? My health?  My choice to move back to Melbourne? World events? I questioned every part of my life (and found most of it lacking) despite being in an incredibly privileged position.

A few weeks respite, a trip to the beach for WARMTH, and some feedback on draft one and I was in a much better place.  I’m still not sure I can do the PhD thing, every day seems harder than the last, but I keep putting one foot in front of the other.  But I also have thrown myself into Christmas planning (I love Christmas), have forced family to visit me, gone out to see friends and have achieved a few physical milestones (I swam 1km in a 50m pool today for the first time in my life) that have made life seem just a bit better than in was 2 months ago.

I’m two weeks in to the second draft of the PhD. It’s not going great.  Structurally my supervisor had some brilliant ideas (as always is the case) and I can see how changing things will make it better.  Thankfully there was no feedback that the whole argument fails to stand up, which I was pretty concerned over. But, as always, I’m struggling with writing which I know is just not up to scratch.  I need to keep pushing through though, get a second draft in by mid-January, one that is structurally and language wise very much an improvement on the first.

This post is an attempt to get my head in the writing game.  I’m a day or two behind in my schedule and I know that next week will be lost to pre-Christmas delirium.  I’m also looking forward toward 2017, knowing I’ll have a little bit of work (my research assistant job is ticking over) but that I can reasonably expect the PhD to dominate things for another 7 months or so.  It feels like a long time.



Two faces of a PhD

It’s worth prefacing this post by noting that I am on Day 26 of continuous writing, no respite.  That, and in my ‘spare time’, I’m undertaking another research job and grappling with a different university’s ethics process. Can I just say UTS was a DREAM compared to this one.

Last month I committed to having a first draft complete before I went on a short weekend break to Sydney, to see all my friends I haven’t seen since our move a year ago. A YEAR.  This week the whole trip fell to pieces because of poor planning and bad schedules. (Note: don’t let someone in their final stages of a Phd try and organise 15 people to do anything.)

Add to this I decided to give up sugar, carbs and all good naughty things and to exercise 5 times a week.


For the last week month I have been a complete basket case. I completely related to this post on The Thesis Whisperer as I a) love Never-ending Story  and b) had taken up residence in the swamp for the foreseeable future. To say I am not fun to be around is the understatement of 2016.  And the sadness and anxiety that I feel over my PhD has coloured every corner of my life.

Then  I got a dose of perspective.

Firstly, my best friend, who knew of my general pain through social media/text message/general BFF psychic link sent me a bunch of flowers.  There’s nothing like a bunch of flowers to make you feel better.

Then I spoke to another friend last night who is doing their Honours in Psychology.  I spoke about how badly it is all going.

“But you check in with someone right?” she said.


“And they’re happy with what you’re doing?”

“Yes, I guess.”

“Then what’s your problem?”

And I thought about that a bit.  Every milestone I’ve had to meet with this PhD I have.  And the feedback has generally been constructive and positive.  Sure the last milestone was 6 months ago, but still. The only thing I haven’t achieved that I want (desperately) is to have something published. And maybe that won’t happen. Or maybe it won’t happen until after I submit the PhD.  But in the scheme of things it’s tolerable.

Today I had call with my supervisor.

“How’s it going?” she asks.

“Terrible.” I reply.

And we proceed to talk about how my theoretical and conceptual framework is pretty much where it needs to be and how the ideas have come together in my (very badly written but progressing) discussion chapter.

She didn’t, but could have added:

“Then what’s your problem?”

My problem is that I can’t see the wood from the trees.I’ve spent 26 days sitting at this desk thinking I’ve wasted 4 years of my life.

I have to separate the two faces of the PhD – the emotional and the intellectual. The intellectual knows I have 68,000 words and a few (maybe more than a few) chapters that are 90% done.  The intellectual knows that I just have to keep chipping away and in 2-3 weeks I’ll have a rough first draft.

The emotional thinks I’m never going to be accepted as a PhD. That the writing is rubbish and I’m sick of being cold (bloody Melbourne) and I can’t remember when I last laughed until I cried.  I’ve just cried.

This is the reality I exist within at the moment.  There’s no use pretending otherwise. And I’d like to say I can reconcile the two faces, but in the short term I can’t.  I just have to keep working. And maybe eat the occasional piece of chocolate.


Tying myself in knots

It’s been a rough couple of PhD weeks.  I’ve felt very stuck and inadequate.  While I have been plugging away at my word count (now about 60,000) I’ve been increasingly concerned that I haven’t yet hit on the conceptual ideas that hold my thesis together.  My ever calm supervisor suggests this will come, usually about 5 weeks from submission. But with 5 months before planned submission I’ve getting increasingly terrified.  I really hit a road block with my third data chapter, which really should hold it all together – be outlining my key theoretical contributions.  And they are just not there.  The feedback from AIMAC 2015 is echoing in my head “You are just writing a consulting report.”

I have these interconnecting themes – leadership theory, identity development, communities of practice and social learning, but I can’t seem to put them all together.

Despite being a bit behind schedule I’ve decided to do two things this week:

a) Take a step back and re-read/take notes on the intersection of leadership/development/identity theory.  This may lead to a few things including, a slight rework of my literature review, some changes to my methodology chapter and a centring of identity in my data chapters.

b) Have four days off. I’m finishing my job on Wednesday, and while I’m having an introductory meeting with my new job on Thursday I have decided to consider these days as holiday.  My husband and I are going away for two nights and I’m going to recalibrate.

Today, however, I’ve sat down and read.  A few lines within Carroll, B., & Levy, L. (2010)* stand out. They mention using identity as a theoretical and methodological frame to understand leadership development.  Which is pretty much what I’m doing.  Where they examine “future leaders” participating in leadership development programs, I’m examining “emerging leaders and their communities” within the cultural sector.  Where they consider the influence leadership development programs have on identity construction, I’m considering how participation in communities of practice informs identity development.

So my whole thesis becomes:

  • How do creative practitioners in Australia socially construct their leadership identity?

This research uses social constructionist concepts of identity as a theoretical and methodological lens to frame and understand leadership development within Australian Cultural Sector. The research demonstrates how communities of practices play a vital role in facilitating identity work for emerging cultural leaders. 

I’m not sure where this is going, but I’ll follow it and see.


Carroll, B., & Levy, L. (2010). Leadership development as identity construction. Management Communication Quarterly, 24(2), 211-231.

Learning from my work – how not to manage change

I’ve been working in my current job for just over 6 months.  I agonised about taking it, I’m not really supposed to work when doing a PhD and the money (hello the arts) isn’t a great incentive.  But I pitched myself forward and really warmed to those who interviewed me.  I got excited. When I got the job I had a few tell me that the organisation was a bit difficult and, given my previous experience, this set of some alarm bells. But my gut feel was positive so I dived in.

Like any job there’s some adjustment.  The team, small yet very flexible and agile (really, not cliché), was close-knit and there’s a lot of ‘this is the way we do things’.  But the way they do things is steeped in history and love for the community in which they work.  It took time, as it always does, for me to find a place where I fit in this group.  How I could contribute without stepping on toes. After a few months I felt a shift.  We found our rhythm. I loved going to the office. Not just to avoid writing, but because these crazy-funny, passionate people were doing great things under stressful professional (and sometimes personal) circumstances.

In my research I’m not really interested in the hierarchical leadership or governance that comes from a board.  Professionally most boards I’ve dealt with have been abstract concepts. A bit scary to present to, but relatively benign.  Not so here.

From early on I saw how the board was combative, difficult, interventionist. It caused the loss of one great staff member and was clearly a thorn in the side of the AD/CEO.

But this was just the start.

A few weeks the board decided to push a massive organisational change. Restructuring the CEO/AD’s role and suggestive a large organisational strategy shift.  I say suggesting as there really has been no evidence of strategy formation or documentation.  The CEO/AD did the only thing she could in choosing to resign on her own terms.

Now the chaos.

Taking a step back, I’m not unfamiliar with organisational change, restructures and the like. 10 years as an HR person, including a heavy period during the GFC, gave me experience in the management of change projects and downsizing.  I understand how these things personally impact individuals, and have been made redundant myself.

Within the arts world it is even harder.  While I was never personally passionate about credit cards, I and my colleagues are very emotionally connected to what we do.  Most people I work with are artists, craftspeople, writers, curators and makers.  We work in this sector for love.  This organisation, more than any I’ve worked for, has given me entry into a true community. It’s been a great insight for how communities of practice evolve and sustain learning, feeding into both my thesis and my plans for a post PhD career.

After the initial shock of the resignation, we had a flurry of board members coming in to ‘talk us through’ what was happening.  But that was all they did.  Talk. Implying all the while that they were struggling with the shock of the resignation, as it was completely surprising to them.  Let’s not forget they engineered the whole process.  Here’s a few other things that did and did not happen:

  1. An interim CEO was appointed within 10 days with no advertisement or call out.
  2. There has been no written communication to staff about what it occurring, why the CEO/AD role was split in two or what the organisational strategy is moving forward.  Instead in meetings we hear words like “synergy” and “innovation” without any real content.  Apparently retail and exhibition space will double and resources be greater, but there is no plan on how this will occur.
  3. All this happened in the month following the confirmation of state and federal government funding, which is contingent on agreed business plans.  Yet suddenly the business plans have changed.
  4. It’s also the biggest month of the year for the organisation, as we run a month-long festival and two large-scale events. Timing is everything.
  5. No communications plan or FAQs have been created or given to either the comms manager or staff.  Despite the fact we are getting bombarded with questions from the community, consequently the narrative of this change is a mess.
  6. Five staff have chosen to resign or not renew their contracts (me included) because of the actions of the board over the past three months.  This is within a core team of under 15.
  7. The board have made it clear that there should be more full-time employees, fundamentally misunderstanding how flexibility of work is the number one selling point for arts workers and the fact that it brings incredible value to the organisation.
  8. Staff who remain have no idea who they will be working for, how their roles will be impacted and are left with a feeling that what they have achieved in the past three years (which is amazing) has not been recognized by the board.
  9. The board say there is a ‘lack of membership engagement’.  Yet in my 7 months I have a) never met a board member or b) never had one come to one of my events.  On Monday we held the largest event of our year, a conference with over 200 people involved.  Not one board member attended or even sent a message of luck to the team.

This last point has me particularly mad, as this is an incredibly engaged community. More so than any arts organisation I’ve been part of.

So what now?  For me I have four more days of work and a heavy heart.  For my friends and colleagues the future is uncertain. And for the community there could be the potential loss of a great institution, with nearly 50 years of history and a passionate voice. This is a lesson for us all.